My Valentine & Me

Ordinarily, I don't celebrate Valentine's Day.  It's just a tad too cliched for my liking.  My husband is also the sort that hates fuss, pomp and ceremony.  Getting him to celebrate his birthday is hard enough, although this year, he did say he had the best time ever.

Happy Birthday!

He enjoyed himself so much, he opened a number of his better bottles, including something from his birth-year.

Crazy- 1966, photo credit CW

In the midst of this merriment, I received a text that led to my leaving the party and spending the wee hours of Saturday morning, at the Singapore General Hospital.

The weekend that followed passed in a blinding sort of sorrow.  On Tuesday morning when I left Singapore, my husband held me, but the tears that usually fill with every goodbye were spent.  There was nothing left for him.  I returned to London, emotionally exhausted, mentally calm.

Today is Valentine's Day.  I tell him, Be My Valentine!  He says, Sure!

During this last trip back to Singapore, I was asked a lot of questions from well-intentioned friends.  One sweet man asked- how can this work, with the distance, what if Jon needs you now, what is in it for Jon?  Another man said- Jon is merely going through the motions, lost without you.  Someone (also male!) asked tentatively- Are Jon and you... divorced?

The last question made me laugh!

I thought of Mr M, one of my dance mentors, who is very married to another dance artist.  I think they have been married for possibly fifty years.  She lives in Israel, he in California.  He told me once, she will never move and that when they fell in love, she explained, that hers is a spirit bound firstly to her land.

To my first male friend, I said- you don't understand, believe it or not, Jon wants to be with me, and he understands, what an artist needs.

It's really quite a traditional marriage these days.  The structure of "tradition" seems to work for us.  Tradition of course, defies logic at times, and at all times, is malleable enough to weather changes and the unforeseen.

For the record, Jon says he is not lost without me, because he knows I am right here, doing what he needs me to do for us, and doing what I need to do for me.  (Jon's words, not mine!)

I try really hard not to take Jon for granted.  I also never ever think we have all the answers.  It's a lot of work, this thing called, Love.  It's a lot more work, this other thing called, Marriage.

I've been reading Mohsin Hamid.  In his wonderful book, How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia, he writes-  "For there was a moment when anything was possible and there will be a moment when nothing is possible.  But in between we can create." (p. 220)

I think that best sums up, my Valentine and me.