Forever

Forever, July Afternoon, 2014

"On the postcards there were always too many stamps.  I can't remember how many I need to place, but I want to make sure it gets to you, so I placed as many stamps as possible.  I looked at the American stamps, often the profiles of past presidents, or of the flag, red, white and blue, and allowed my fingers to follow the curves and linear lines that was his writing, as if touching his words, would allow me to touch him.  Everything I received in the mail suddenly felt too precious in a manner I didn't quite understand."

...

p52, First Love, When the Bough Breaks- Tammy L Wong, publisher Ethos Books

www.ethosbooks.com.sg

SGD$20 (SGD$21.40 with GST)

When the Bough Breaks

One of the things I do for work is, publicity.  Because my skin is so thick, and my humour is healthy, I'm actually pretty good at publicity, way better than say, grant-applicationS or kissing the correct ass.

You need publicity on your side if you want to get the audience excited about your work, fill a theatre, or sell a book.  At the beginning of my Singapore dance life, when I was trying to create a career for myself, I simply picked up the phone and (cold) called the newspapers, the magazines, the radio stations.  To anyone who would be kind enough to listen, oblige me with a blurb, I rattled quickly, and on occasion, unabashedly, begged.

***
The second book I wrote was published last year.  The book is titled, When The Bough Breaks.  It is the only project I have ever done in my life, that I have not bothered activating the publicity machine for.  I suspect the sales are possibly dismal compared to the first book, and all the other dance projects that have come before.

photo credit- The Arts House

I didn't bother with publicity for this book then, simply because, the book was very difficult to write.  When it was finally completed, it took everything from me.  When it was finally published, and launched, I felt immense satisfaction that this project was finished- I did it, I did it, it's done, it's really done.   And somehow, that was enough for me.

photo credit-  Ethos Books

Friends and family came to the launch.  Everything was kept almost deliberately low-key.  The evening was memorable, and an artist/man/my ex-boss whom I adore, facilitated the evening.

He also offered invaluable feedback during the writing process.
photo credit-  Ethos Books

My publisher had suggested I write a book about my dancing life.  Then there was the other unwritten  Elizabeth Choy story, the original transcript which first drew his attention.

So I went away to write.

  And when I finished, I gave my publisher an unexpected manuscript that laced both the dance story with that of Mrs Choy.  I wasn't sure how it would be received.

His emailed reply was, "Tammy, lovely."

He then left me alone for about a year to work on the book.

  Many things happened that year.  My dog Angel, nearly died.

                                          We faced an unexpected relocation to London.

The book was also celebrated by The Arts House.  Elizabeth Choy, Singapore's beloved war heroine, was their guest of honor, when the Arts House first opened its doors, ten years ago.  In celebration, my dancers and I, with guest artists S and J, returned on stage.

photo credit-  The Arts House

I love my second book.  It is truly one of my favourite projects to date.  It wasn't easy to write because some of the material is historical, weighty, dark.  The darkness frightened me.  The challenge then was facing the darkness with integrity, and to not be afraid of truthfulness; treating the subject matter, particularly Mrs Choy's experiences, with dignity.

It's also hard to write about historical events, many of us in contemporary times, may feel very divorced from.  So then the other challenge was, how on earth to address the Japanese Occupation for instance, and not lose the interest of the reader.

I'm talking about the book today because someone I have never met, sent me an Easter card, that Jon has just scanned from Singapore.  The person said some things that made me cry.

"The similarities I see in you and Mum were... fearless tenacity...you both dared to be different..

Mum had many visitors, local and overseas, especially in her last years...I remember her mentioning a few times that a beautiful young girl came to visit her...one who appears on tv and dances...

Thank you for so delicately and beautifully interweaving Mum's life into your biography.  Love to you and your daughter.

-  Lynette, on behalf of my sisters"

When the Bough Breaks, publisher Ethos Books, retails at SGD$20 (SGD$21.40 with GST)

can be purchased at Kinokuniya (Singapore), or on-line at www.ethosbooks.com.sg 

For more information, please see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfP9lqThN1c

Live Performance

Photo credit-  Wimbledon Village Stables

Mascara?  Two coats.  Concealer?  Under the eyes.  Sunblock?  Three layers.

Hair?  Pinned up neatly.  Helmet?  Super-glued all loose, torn bits.  White dressage trousers?  Brand-new, bought from the teenaged boys' section with Bruno patiently waiting.

Patient Bruno.

Belly button?  Un-pierced, sucked towards the spine.  Shoulders?  Soft and held back.  Torso?  Lengthened.  Heels, hips, and ears? In one straight line.  Elbows?  The bane of my equestrian existence, bent.

Horse?  Muddy and Very Alert.

Weather?  Sunny.

Sunny weather.  Oh no.  I have not factored in sun and blue skies.  Dumpling is suddenly invigorated by the sun.  Along the way to the Commons, another horse acts silly, and Dumpling is inspired to buck, and jump, and jump.

Amazing.  I don't get thrown off.

Photo Credit-  Wimbledon Village Stables
Waiting in the Wings...

There are four of us taking the test today.  We do a quick warm-up together, and then we wait our turns.

Dumpling and I go second.  I am thinking- look for the markers, look for the markers!  I am thinking, keep him calm, keep him calm.  And then I am thinking, geez, I haven't lost my stirrups for once, and wow, Dumpling, your right canter lead feels unusually balanced, have we really sorted that out?!  Good boy, good boy!  Surely at this point, choreographically it would make the most kinesthetic sense to do that damn diagonal path, across the arena!  Here I go, and all I need to do next is transition into trotting down the center line into a halt at the G marker, and then the practised bow.  I can't believe it!  Dumpling, we're just about done!  Good boy, Dumpling, good boy, Dumpling!

A loud shout- Tammy, NO!  You are supposed to canter him straight down the long side first! 

And I am awakened from, daydreaming.

Fuck.

Live performance?  A lot of fun!  How not to feel heightened and alive?  Anything can happen, no matter how prepared one gets because the body is the instrument, and the body is human, and the partner is also a living being with mood swings.

Me & my partner.

In dance, we practise religiously.  When dancing, I always think, listen to the music, the music will tell me what to do next.  Because there is the presence of music, there is no need for me to, panic.

Photo Credit-  Ethos Books
'A' is for Achar, 'L' is for Love, Book Launch, all choreography/text/artistic direction by me

My favourite Singaporean dance partner is YW.  We actually listen to the music in the same manner.  And when I get too overwhelmed, and teeter on the edge of daydreaming, YW always catches me; prompting me with a nudge, a clutch of my costume, or a subtle shifting of his eyes as to what step comes next.

(The audience doesn't see all this of course.  The audience sees intimacy, physical skill, and thinks- smoking!)

Photo Credit-  Ethos Books

Today I am grateful that I performed the test with Dumpling.  He is a great little horse.  That same comfort and chemistry YW and I share on stage, I am re-living now with Dumpling.  We just really need to practise more.

Birthday Gift

Tomorrow is his birthday.

He doesn't like making a fuss.  A few years ago, I threw him a surprise party.  When the first guest arrived, he looked at me in shock and horror- What is R doing here at this time in the afternoon?

Oops.

This year, especially with distance, I thought I had best cement myself deeper into his consciousness, by cooking the mother of all Peranakan dishes, the Ayam Buah Keluak, for him.

Every Peranakan family cooks it their own way.  I am cooking in my Popo's shadow. The recipe can be found on pages 23-25 of my first book, A is for Achar, L is for Love (publisher- Ethos Books,
http://www.ethosbooks.com.sg )

My cousin B kept some nuts (buah keluak) for me.  She also gave me a packet of a tamarind paste (assam) to make the tamarind juice.

So the journey into Buah Keluak land needs to begin with first soaking the nuts for at least 2 days to rid it of soil/dirt.

1.  After 2 days, scrub them nuts, break them open with a small hammer, scoop out the meat, put aside.

I strategically chose to do this on the night that he was home.

This sight of his wife put him in a very good mood.  I was interrupted with hugs and declarations of love.  He then asked me to make him my curry as well.  

My Curry?  No problem.  Advantages of being jet lagged & availability of fresh coconut shavings!

2.  Add sugar and salt to the nut mixture and pound it up.  Then roll it into a ball shape, cover it with cling wrap and store away in the refrigerator.

 3.  One or 2 days before the actual meal, re-fill the nuts with the mixture.

4.  Prepare the rempah (spice paste)- this is the bit I dread the most.  It requires a lot of slicing and pounding, which ruins my manicure, hurts my hands and my back.

I think of the rempah as the foundation for the dish.  You can't exactly cheat on this.  The finer you cut the ingredients up, the easier it will be to pound.

(Rempah-  chillies, blue ginger, turmeric, shallots, buah keras, and lemon grass (use only the white bits).

The packet on the bottom left corner is tamarind.  You need to sift it through water to create tamarind juice.

Many prefer using a blender to prepare the rempah. But the archaic pounding way is the only way that draws out juices.  The blender can be employed later.

5.  Marinate a chopped chicken and some pork ribs while doing the above.

6.  Start cooking.  Fry up the rempah.  

7.  Add the chicken and pork ribs, add the assam/tamarind juice, add salt and sugar to taste.

8.  Add a dash of belachan, add all the nuts, keep on cooking.  

9.  After cooking on high heat, and just as the meats are about done, lower the heat, and allow to simmer for about 3-5 minutes.

10.  Once everything is cooked, allow to stand untouched for a while.

11.  And then I remove the meats and nuts, and I pour all the stew/broth into my blender to whip every bit of remaining spice into sheer liquid form.

12.  Next I return the meats, nuts and broth back into my pot.

13.  Allow it to cool, store in refrigerator, only to be served, tomorrow.

The dish looks like this.

There is a tangy, sweet-sour spiciness to it, as well as an underlying rich flavour.  I think the Japanese word is umami.  It tastes of distant lands.  It tastes of memory.  It tastes of time.