Looking Back

Because I am a summer baby, the year always feels like it ends, in the summer.

Usually I have some sort of game plan for the new year that for me, starts in the fall.  This year however, I'm thrown off as I spent so much of the past year, in uncertainty.

Towards the end of each summer, there is always that exhaustion.  This year, my fatigue was unusually weighty.  It even made me, sad.

Then I made things worse for myself.  On the flight back to London, instead of watching action-driven movies where I can ponder about choreography, speed, and composition, I stayed up watching movies about, love.

Ah, love.  

Is Distance really necessary?  I asked the Good Man.

Distance is the lesser of… The Wise, Good Man replied.  I would rather deal with Distance than...

Are you happy in London?

Then just stay.  And you must know, I am very happy to provide for you and be able to now afford this for you…

You don't have to be so hard on yourself, Baby!  Just think of all that has happened in the last 12 months…

The Last 12 Months

-  Back to School, 6th Form, IB Year/ University Applications to be completed by October!!!

 -  Riding Intensive with World-Renown Teacher

-  Sold London Flat, packed it up, moved out, searched, searched for a new home...

-  Reality TV and Bruno

-  Cheltenham weekends to cheer, cheer, cheer daughter on

-  Temporarily housed for 8 months

A.

B.

C.

-  Wedding Anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Chinese New Year

-  Broken Arm & the (continuing) tedious, painful road towards recovery

-  Death of a beloved grandmother.  Although her death was not a surprise, that devastating grief can  unexpectedly still simmer, even if as a muted shadow.

-  Studied, studied, studied.  Cheered, cheered, cheered.

Never forget, Summie.  Mom is in your heart!

-  Found new flat, refurbished new flat, moved into flat.

-  Finally, graduation.

-  The Moment of Truth

-  More Truths...

***

Baby?  You're right.  I think I need a vacation!  Do you mind…

No, not at all.  You deserve it, Baby... We both deserve a vacation!

Did you arrive safely?   Can you see the ocean?  

It's kindda like Balboa Island, but very hilly, and steep…

That's great!  

Er, Baby?  When I was walking Bruno, I slipped, and slid…

down...

What?!  How's your arm?!  What sort of shoes were you wearing?!!

Baby, please be careful and look where you're going!

(The End, of Looking Back.)

Post-Production

Maybe it's age.  And with age, experience.  At the beginning of my dance career, post-production was always a period of sadness and pure exhaustion.  You've poured your heart on stage, slogged through the weeks in rehearsal.  Then, an abrupt end.  Towards the last days however, I only felt the familiar exhaustion and a new calmness.  The sadness had left me.

Our first night in the Village, K said- You must be so exhausted and happy!

Not really,  I just feel calm.

Happy, of course, but more calm.

I've been homeless for the last 8 months and living with so much uncertainty and loss.  Now that I am finally home, I feel so sheltered, and calm.

I have the most incredible neighbour.

Many who see me back on him have commented on my being"very brave".

Truth is, I don't think I'm doing anything extraordinary.  I was very lucky to have met him, and found this sort of love.  If you love, you let go, and if you love, you get back on.

Sometimes love can be that  simple.  

After our morning ride, I untacked him, and then hung out with him for almost another hour.

I draped myself on him, and learnt, that when a horse is relaxed, as happy, and as calm, he just about purrs like a cat!

***

In ballet class the next morning, my teacher asked- Where's the double pirouette you just did on the other side?

I thought you weren't watching, was my cheeky retort.  But then on the long tube ride back, I thought- she's right.  Where's the double pirouette?  

The flat is completed, I've moved in, but surely, more can be done!

***

The best way to get to know the Village, is to walk around and give the locals a chance to become familiar with us.

The Mint Source, 23 Church Street

  I find cushions, a doormat, napkins, and a waste basket for the bathroom.  I introduce myself to Maggie, the owner.  We discuss the crossword puzzle she's working on.  She helps me carry everything back to my flat.

At the dry cleaners also along Church Street, I meet, Julia, a young woman multi-tasking as a mother, accountancy student, wife, and employee.  I tell her what Popo once said to me:

Don't give up.  Now is the time to work, so we must work.

I buy a flower pot at Two Sisters, 3 Church Road.

Everyone knows I'm terrible with plants.  But hey, new flat, new hood, new challenge- where is that double pirouette- my teacher's voice, in my head.

Dear Plant in New Pot, Please live through the summer.  Please.

The stores we frequent while living in W2 and SW7, thankfully have branches here in the village of SW19 as well.  Bruno loves, Pet Pavilion.

Pet Pavilion, 47 High Street

He knows to make a bee-line for the girls behind the counter, where they'll coo over him and feed him treats.

I stop at Matches, 36 High Street, and befriend Lucy and Sarah. 

I'm also introduced to Amelia, the in-house seamstress who works in the space above the Diane Von Furstenberg store.  The girls tell me Matches owns this and Max Mara along the same row as well.

Beside Matches, is the Matches sample store.  Everything is discounted further.  

The Balenciaga two sizes too big, is coming home with me.  Summie has graduation coming up; it would be nice to wear, celebratory print.

***

(Footnote)

The Double Pirouette:

The double pirouette resides in one's head.  You just have to make a committed decision to turn, not once, but twice.  Use minimal force, hold the body without fuss, press down into the earth to get on your toes as you whip your head around- One! Two!  Inhale, exhale, land with softness and pliancy.

Bruno Is Home (& Has Things to Say)

Good morning, Mom!

 Sorry I woke you at 3:30am and at 5am.  It's my separation anxiety.  My tummy responds whenever I see you again.

And now that my tummy is rested, Mom?  I'm ready!  Let's go!

(Wonder Dog jumped into his bag while I was putting on my coat, without even being asked.  Gosh, all that time spent boot-camping him 2 years ago, has reaped long-term rewards.)

***

Mom, I prefer the bus to the tube.

I like looking out the window... 

Good bye, Natural History Museum.

Hello, V & A.

***

Mom?  Please order something else.  I don't like zucchini.  It's green.

Oh YAY, cod croquettes with salt?!!

Thank you, Mom!

Mom?  Please order another plate..

Mom?  I'm thirsty.

***

Mom?  When will we see Daddy and Summie again?

***

Mom, I like staying here.  The staff is nice to me.  I am allowed everywhere, and I match the decor.

Mom?  I need an afternoon nap.

***

Dog-friendly tapas at Polpo, 41 Beak Street

Very Dog-friendly accommodation at Blakes, 33 Roland Gardens