Courtship (C) Team Work

On that first blind date in January 1995, you figure out quickly what he is good at, and what you are better at.  So it is you, native New Yorker, that reserves a table at the restaurant, guides him down the N & R, shows him Blue Man Group.  He picks up all tabs, tips generously, gives you a key to his room at the Pierre.

You know he loves you because you've worked so bloody hard all your life and he feels he can give you more.  You know he loves you because it is you who makes him feel safe.  You know he likes a woman, agile on her feet, quick with her mind, and he likes that you cook and cook for him.

Cooking and cooking...

During the Fall Courtship of 2013, you remember that as a quick-thinking, improvisational woman capable of carrying LOADS, there are still some things, best left for him to do.  It is pointless doing everything for then what purpose is there in team-work and marriage?  So you tell him, right before he leaves, that you need him to:

1.  Clear the topmost shelf as you can't reach it even when standing en pointe.

Good job, Baby!

2.  Sort out the fire extinguisher because you have no interest in shopping for one.

Excellently done, Baby!

He shows you how to use this and asks you what your plan is if there was a fire.  You say, put fire out, call 911, grab Bruno, passport, cell, climb out the kitchen window.

The Kitchen Window (background)

When you are not paying attention, he sorts out bills and internet banking.  He's also bought, carried home an ironing board, and offers to iron the laundry.

This train ride to Heathrow takes 15 minutes and is dreadfully sad.  Nothing you do can slow time down.  You look at him, imprinting the contours of his face, his face, to memory.  He leaves his hand on your lap, and your tears fall, your face now so wet and cold.

And then he is gone.  His last word were-  I'll see you real soon.  And, It's important that you are here for yourself, and for Summie.

The train back to London comes in 12 minutes.  You stand on the platform with your head held elegantly, and your little dog clutched close.  Off he goes to do X, while you stay here to do Y. That's the way it has been and will always be.  You thank God for Team-work and whisper a prayer, hallelujah, because yours is, a winning team.

XXOO

Courtship (B)- Gone Shopping

When you are married with a child-teenager at home, and the both of you are busting your asses to build your careers, family and to provide, shopping tends to be driven by a singular concept-  Responsibility.

So the purchases you make together/alone are weighty (and terribly boring for a non-shopper):
car (in Singapore = FAINT), 1st home (instant debt disguised as mortgage), private kindergarten (ouch), graduate education (thank God for that fellowship), relocation costs (uh oh), 2nd home, 3rd home (sorry Baby, that house was calling out to be saved), international school (ouch, OUCH), car again (moan), car, boarding school (YIKES), and car (every man needs toys).

3rd home- salvaged & sold.  Goodbye house!

On occasion, your husband surprises you with a gift you know you have no need of.  When the gift is placed in your arms, you forget your days before his arrival, and you wonder at how big love gets.

The Love Gift

He's been wanting to get me a raincoat.  He leaves later today and is worried about me schlepping in the rain.  Three days ago, I humoured him and attempted shopping.  We found something that sits well on me, but the coat was hoodless, so we left the store.  It rained quite heavily all afternoon.  We crossed the street, fingers laced.  He then surprised me with something chunky.

Surprise!

So I am learning, as with Courtship Round 1 circa 1995, shopping during Courtship Round 2, 2013 is indulgent, improvisational, impulsive, (almost) irresponsible.

It's chunky!

Sigh.  Even the most reluctant of shoppers/tomboy at heart, appreciates a gift born of flight and fancy!  Something unexpected, thoughtful in the gesture, and the touch of color against skin.  I am going to miss you when you leave.  As it was then, so it is now, this maddening, maddening long distance.  

Call me on my cell when you get into Singapore tomorrow, Baby.  If I don't pick up immediately, just know that I may be nursing an achy heart, and have possibly gone, shopping.

XXOO

Courtship

So, now we are officially, Empty-Nest-ers.  The very first thing we did after leaving Cheltenham was take TJ out, celebrate her birthday, attempt painting the town red.

  Bruno and I don't do late nights anymore.  I awoke with a hang-over the next morning, and very nearly missed our train to Edinburgh!

In the nick of time!!!

The Empty Nest?  It feels a lot like Courtship.  You go on a trip together, you eat in adult places (factoring Bruno into the equation of course), you hold hands when walking, spend long moments talking and listening to each other.  You kind of get to know each other again, but without the anxiety of having to impress.

You take pictures of each other because there is a part of you that wants to hold these moments, when you were (still) young, when you were young, forever.

Best of all, Courtship now is enacted on a stage built on the firmest foundations. You don't think of escape routes (what if, but,never mind, just divorce).  

Girl meets Boy.  Boy meets Girl.  For a long while, God and Life willing, they live happily every after.