Dislodged

Dislodged- my left arm, I can feel it like a separate organ, hanging limply by my side.  I'm curled up, my shoulder is hiked too far up my left ear.  The ground is soft, wet, ah mud- my friend.

I can hear Dumpling, but I can't see him.  Voices buzzing around me-  There's been a casualty!  Get the ambulance!  Get the ranger!

Out in the Commons, I'm in everyone's way.  Call Ridgeway!  We can't have horses coming down the path!

Caroline holds my hand.  Someone else puts a blanket over me.  My body goes into shock.  The cold makes everything numb.

***
The pain is excruciating, audible.  I need the pain to subside before I attempt moving my legs.

Caroline again-  She's a tough woman, ordinarily she would just get up and get back on. She's a dancer. Her husband's a doctor.  She thinks she's broken something.

Dislodged- my arm, hanging without purpose by my side.
***

On the count of 3, I say, I can't get myself centred.  I need help.  One paramedic holds my disabled arm, the other cups me under my right armpit.  The ambulance can't be driven onto the dirt path.  The ground is too icy, there is mud everywhere.  I have to walk, my dislodged arm, carried like a purse close to me.  The pain, excruciating.
***

In the ambulance, they use a pair of scissors to cut off my jacket, my jumper, my long-sleeved shirt.  They need to get to my arm and my back.  Later at the hospital, I ask the trainee to cut off both sleeves, my attempt at symmetry.  After I rise from being sedated and having my elbow shoved back into its correct place, I find more of my shirt has been cut off.  I leave the hospital shrouded in one of their gowns.  When I finally get home, I cut off everything that's left.  It's the only way to get out of these mud-filled clothes.

It's been a long day.  I got a bit weepy hearing his voice.

I've sub-luxed my elbow, fractured the head of my ulna.  Shit happens to the best of us, and oh yes, horse-back riding is an at-risk spot.  But in moments like these, there's still so much to be joyful and grateful for.  The chorus of love, friendships old and new, the kindness of strangers and the kindness of friends.

Two summers ago, we journeyed to the Fallen Empire, and boy did I feel, dislodged.  It took a while to find my feet, build an ecosystem of sorts.  How long we remain, God only knows.  But while I'm here, breathing, moving with that newly disabled arm, I'm gonna give it, my all.