A Good Day

Solved- the riddle as to why I bothered signing up for the dressage test today.

It's a dancer-perfromer thing.  An actress once questioned my plan to dissolve my dancing life.  She said- I don't believe it's possible.  Once a performer, always a performer!  How can you bear to leave the stage?

(I've not.)

photo credit- WVS

My mom said to me in my somnolent, unemployed, early-marriage days-  

Even if you can't dance, you are still a creative person.  Why don't you channel that creativity towards your family instead?

Then it was not possible.  But now that she is grown up, and because I have given it my all for dance, dance simply morphs into a different shape.

The same discipline, the same quest for precision.

The same repetitive practising of a fixed vocabulary, every single day.

  The same mental/physical preparation- warm up!

Focus!

Get in costume, get neatly dressed!

 24 weeks post-surgery, buttons are still tricky.

  But, I don't shy away from tricky.

I learnt this morning, that I also wanted to do the test to give Dumpling and myself a goal to work towards.  I wanted to see if I could face the noise in my head, quell that, and find him again.

photo credit-  WVS

Because the accident in January damaged my confidence in myself, and my trust in him.  I wanted to force myself to re-discover that place of quiet, of listening, where horse and rider are simply in tune, watching out for each other.  That sort of togetherness is electrifying.

photo credit-  WVS

Electrified!

Lastly, as I performed the wrong choreography, and Dumpling and I didn't falter with such a costly mistake, and as the wind whirled too loudly out in the Commons, I realised, I wanted to do the test, to remind myself, what I am truly made of.  I can feel, sense fear.  But I mustn't forget.  My doctors did insert a metal plate and something like 7 or 8 screws in my arm.  I may lack strength and wisdom, but I am made of tough stuff.

Noise

I have no idea why I signed Dumpling and myself up for the dressage test tomorrow.  The last time we did a test, I couldn't resist day-dreaming, and re-choreographing...

photo credit:  WVS

You are a true glutton for punishment, said Spice.

Perhaps.  

But all I am trying to do is find that place of trust, where we can move instinctively as one, and stop the noise in my head.

Speaking of noise- what does one wear to deal with administrative matters?

I posed this question to three friends who are lawyers.

Smart casual is fine!  -  SF

Something comfortable!  -  TY   Just look simple and presentable.

Wear.. what you would wear to meeting a bank manager when applying for a loan or mortgage.  Same objective...  -K

Mom?  You can borrow my blazer.  -  Summie

In the evening, before the sun fully sets, we walk out to the Commons.

Tomorrow, there will be boards and poles arranged out here for the test.  I've  been told that grass can be slippery for the horses.

I've never ridden on grass before.  But as with Life, there's always a first time.

By bedtime, the noise is dim.  She sneaks in just as I am about to brush my teeth, wash my face.  She likes to do this nightly, now that she is home.  I look at her study me back.  She needs to know, we still look alike.

Mom?  I love you so much.  You can do it, Mom!  Please focus!

And with her voice urging me, all the goodness and wisdom that is my grandmother, fleetingly returns, in her tightest embrace.

Popo, she's grown up just right.

Ready, Get Set, Go!

Ready?

1995 East Village, New York.  Blind Date declared, "When I have a home, I would really like fresh flowers in it…"

25 years old, and dazzled by him, I blurted, "Yes, me too!" 

20 years on, it's 2015, and beyond my over-active imagination, here I am, Mrs Chan, in Wimbledon Village, London.

Tennis Season is over, I'm having a peony moment.

My daughter is home, i can't seem to stop the cooking.

Mom!  What's for dinner?  Mom!  What's for lunch?

And if I am cooking and cooking, I need my dining table to look a certain way…

Get Set!

2011, Singapore newspaper interview, the 12th home-  "Wah, so nice!  What's the occasion?"

Erm, my husband is coming home for dinner…  I need to feed him before he goes back to work.

2015, TJ and her Mom are coming for lunch.

On the train now!  6 more stops so think I'll arrive about 1:45pm?

GO!

Asian meal, I won't cook until you get here, so no rush X

At Wimbledon now, so 1:45pm doable X

GO!

Tam's 15 minute (preparation and actual cooking) Asian Lunch for a table of 4:

-  Get the rice cooking in the rice cooker

-  Use Sancerre left by the husband to marinate shrimp 

-  Marinate lamb cutlets with sea salt, pepper, and olive oil

-  Dice and blanch beans, beat up eggs.

-  Pour ready-made chicken stock into a large pot

-  Psst.  This is excellent stock (Atkins and Potts').

But it needs to be kicked up with chopped tomatoes, and a cube of chicken stock from Knorrs.  Add leafy vegetables like bak choy, lettuce, add the marinated shrimp as there wasn't time to get dumplings or tofu from Bayswater.

-  Simply cook everything up when your guests arrive, so that the food can be served, hot.

Thunder, Feathers and A Non-Thinking Broccoli Casserole

More life-affirming days.

TJ graduates London Business School!  Hearing her name called out and watching her tall, willowy form stride across the stage, my hands became clumsy trying to clap and cheer and snap pictures all at once.

***

Yesterday morning, I stepped out of the shower knowing that at some point between soap and hot water, he slipped away.

***

Mom?  I'm sad.  I miss Daddy, Summer said.  Are you sad?   

Mom?  I'm hungry.  I really need to eat lunch.

***

Maybe it's the food.  It says everything we can't find the appropriate words for.

Do your folks and you like broccoli and cheese?  Can I make a broccoli casserole instead of- I asked K.

Yes!  Sounds yummy, said K.

***

Something about childhood that binds and blurs the borders of friendship and time.  

Can I adopt your parents?

Only if you give me permission to marry Summie!

***

We did good, Baby- his head bent low, his hold, tight.

***

I've been thinking of grandmothers.  The formidable Mrs Chan Khai Way- Summie has her forehead, the sort of high, wide forehead that Chinese people find, intelligent.  Summie's news would resonate the loudest with her.

I imagine Mrs Chew Lian Seng's fury.  How single-minded, how large her anger must have been for her to board that boat, sail towards the unknown, because her parents sent only their sons to America for school.  How hungry she must have been to learn.

And my Popo- I can see her smiling back at me, her eyes so bright with delight.  Popo, she did it!

If these women were still with us, they would be 100-120 years old.  Their great granddaughter's thunder would be feathers in their caps and bouffant hair.

***

Tam's (Non-Thinking) Broccoli Casserole:

-  Broccoli

-  1 small jar of mayonnaise

-1 large onion

- large slab of butter

-   1 can of asparagus/mushroom/celery soup 

-  2 large eggs

- Ritz crackers

- shredded cheese

- pepper and salt

*   Boil/blanche the broccoli, take care not to over-cook

*  Dice and fry up the onions with butter and pepper

*  Beat up the eggs, adding a dash of salt and water

*  Put all of the above into a large bowl

*  Add the soup into the same bowl

*Stir everything together, taking care to mix well

*  Transfer the mixture into a baking dish

*  Crush the crackers, place it on the very top

*  Add shredded cheese above the crackers

*  Place dish in the oven to bake/cook for about 20 mins

Wings

On Sunday evening, Summie went to bed, a little terrified.  She woke up the very next day,  to discover, that all her life, God had given her, a pair of wings.

From New Zealand, my mother's shock and pride crescendos-

"I think Summie is your greatest achievement by far!  SO PROUD OF YOU!"

Do you know who you truly are now, Summie?  Do you now know what you are capable of?

This is your moment.  Never forget that hard work will always find an expression.  Never forget what this moment feels like- your elation, and the comfort success and knowing oneself, brings.

You're flying!

Mom?  What are you doing?

Oh, Mom is going to walk Bruno and then get a mojito!

Mom?  What are you doing while I'm soaring?

Oh, don't worry about Mom!  Mom has already done everything I've wanted to do with my own life!  You go ahead and fly...  I'll watch you from here and celebrate your happiness!

No, Mom.  I'm gonna swoop down with my wings and grab you with my claws!

?!!!!

Mom?  I love you very much, you know…. Like A LOT!

Mom?  What's for dinner?

Tam's Fuss-Free Lamb Cutlets:

-  chop up tomatoes and a few pieces of garlic

- rub cutlets with olive oil, sea salt, and pepper

-  toss everything into a hot pan, add whatever herb you have on hand, dash of wine, and simply fry/grill it all up

(Total Preparation & Cooking Time required = 10 mins)